you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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