I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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