the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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