I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
