morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
