There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
