a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
