Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
