I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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