Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is the high leading the old right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
