So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
bring money and cleavage
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
