i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
