had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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