Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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