i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
