I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
