You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize