You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
