He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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