Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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