why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
