Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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