If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
