he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
