I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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