you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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