You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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