need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
