he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He passed out mid-signature
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
