8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
