I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
