I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
