found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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