new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
