he wants to bone in the snuggie
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Say something about gay babies.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
