I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
