Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
