Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
