If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
