I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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