I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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