i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
