yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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