so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
