How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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