yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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