i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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