I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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