i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
