The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
