I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
