It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
