Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
