someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
