Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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