I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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