I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
