I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
