Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
