just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
