Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
