9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
