Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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