Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
