Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
