He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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