I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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