im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
