I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
