WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
